The Best Cool Jokes Ever

  • There was this little girl who said to her teacher, "Miss, I wish I'd been alive 2,000 years ago."

         Her teacher asked, "Really Rosy? Why's that?"
      The girl replied, "There would have been so much less history to learn."

  • A college boy said to his mother, "I have decided to take to politics after my studies and to clean up the mess in the world."

         His mother reacted to his proposition and said, "That's very nice. You can go upstairs and start with your room."

  • Husband: "That damned wife of mine is a liar!"
    Friend: "How do you know?"
    Husband: "Because she said she spent the night with Leena."
    Friend: "So?"
    Husband: "But I spent the night with Leena!"

  • John got a call at the office from his wife. "Tell me my dear," she asked, "Wednesday is our fifteenth wedding anniversary..

         "What special present do you want from your loving wife?"
         John replied, "You mean I can ask for anything?"
         "You can ask for anything."

         John asked, "How about 5 minutes of silence."

  • "There's mutual feeling between my wife and me."

         "That's nice."
         "No, it's not."
         He replied, "We hate each other."

  • Father: "I see you got a 'D' for conduct but an 'A' for courtesy. How is that possible?"

    Son: "Whenever I kick someone, I apologise."

  • A small girl was told she needed an X-ray. When she came out of the X-ray room, she told her mother, "They took a picture of my bones."

         "Yes, dear," replied the mother. "Did everything go alright?"

         The small replied, "Sure." "It was amazing. I didn't even have to take my skin off."

  • In a party a woman was requested by the organisers to sing. After she sang, she proudly announced that she had spent $25,000 to learn music.

         "I want you to meet my brother," interjected a guest.
         "Is he a critic or an agent?" asked the singer.

         The man replied "Neither," "He is a lawyer. He'll get your money back."

  • A woman was noted for her bargaining skills particularly with vegetable vendors. She would never buy anything without reducing the quoted price.

         One day she asked her son studying in the second standard, "How much is 2 x 2=?"

         The boy replied, "Six."
       "Son, you ought to learn your tables better. The answer is four."

        The boy said triumphantly, "I know it is 4. But if I say six you will bring it down to four."

  • Mom: "You have been fighting again and lost two of your front teeth."
    Son: "No, I have not lost them."

         "What do you mean? Two of your front teeth are missing."

         The boy unhesitatingly proved his point that he had not lost his teeth.

         The boy replied, "The teeth are not missing. I have got them in my pocket."

  • A famous boxer had to use the washroom attached to the waiting room at the railway station and fearing his overcoat might be stolen, he attached a ticket to it before hanging it on a peg in the waiting room.

         The ticket read: "Owned by a famous Boxer who will be back in 5 minutes."

         When he returned for his overcoat a little later, all he found was a ticket which read...
         "Taken by a Champion Sprinter, who won't return."

  • The salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "The customer is going to return here pretty mad," he predicted to his boss.

         "Shall I give him his money back?"
         The boss shouted at him and said "Money back?" roared the boss.

         "What kind of salesman are you? Go out there and sell him a motor boat."

  • In a co-education college a boy and a girl fell in love and decided to marry. The boy was doing his doctoral research and the girl her masters degree.

         One day the boy spiritedly told his girl..."Darling when I complete my degree, will you call me Doctor?"

         The replied promptly "Of course. But when I finish my degree, you must call me 'Master'."

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